


every bit of sunshine

by regal_roni



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, Reader-Insert, but like it's constantly implied, there's no proper smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:14:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regal_roni/pseuds/regal_roni
Summary: It was meant to be casual. You weren’t meant to develop feelings, and you definitely weren’t meant to fall in love, and yet you do and now you’re too weak to put a stop to it. You need her and you’ll pretend she needs you to.
Relationships: Jacqueline "Jack" Sloane/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	every bit of sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: A little shorter and a little different than my normal fics. Fluff, angst, and heavily implied smut. As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated :) Enjoy!

The first time it happens you’re both drunk out of your minds. It’s quick and it’s hot and when you leave Jack’s house that night you can’t quite look her in the eye. Monday morning comes around and she’s the same as always, acting like it never happened, so you do the same. 

Two weeks later it happens again. The case had hit too close to home and you just needed to feel something. You’d turned up on her doorstep and she had taken one look at you and understood. Neither of you discusses it afterwards. 

The third time it happens it’s Jack who turns up on your doorstep. It’s the anniversary of Afghanistan and she needed an escape. You don’t question it, just pull her into your apartment and let her pin you up against the wall. 

It just becomes this unspoken thing between the two of you. Something in the dark of night to escape your demons. 

It’s nearly three months in, the first time you wake up beside one another. It’s not planned, but it’d been a long day and by the time you’d gone three rounds, Jack had fallen back into your bed, mumbling something about moving in a moment and the next thing you know it’s morning. Her light snoring is what wakes you, and you can’t stop yourself from laughing. It’s loud enough that it stirs her. 

“Whatcha laughing about?” She mumbles, wiping the sleep from her eyes. 

“You snore.” 

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure.” You smirk, eyes dancing with humour as she grumbles.

“What’s the time?” She asks, moving to sit up. The sheets fall down her body, revealing her bare chest and your eyes linger, looking at the skin you’d spent the previous night exploring. There are still a few marks and you smile smugly to yourself. 

She turns to look at you, her lips tugging into a smirk when she catches you staring. “Time?” She prompts again.

You roll your eyes, but rollover to grab your phone from the side table anyway. The screen lights up and you sigh, “Six.”

“Just enough time to get home and shower before work then.” She leans over, placing a kiss to your cheek before making her way out of the bed and in the direction of the bathroom, picking her clothes up along the way. Your eyes trail after her, and when she disappears down the hallway there’s a slight ache in your chest that you quickly stamp down and ignore. 

The next time you’ve barely come down from your high when she’s rolling out of bed, already searching for her clothes that you’d littered around the room. You sit up slightly, pulling the covers up to cover yourself as you admire her naked form. Jack notices you staring and shoots you a devilish smirk, eyebrows raised. “Enjoying yourself?” 

You hum. “Be a lot better if you got back in this bed.” Her smirk drops from her face and she looks away. 

“I can’t. Poker night at Leon’s.” She looks at her phone. “Which I’m going to be late for if I don’t hurry.” She clasps her bra up, before sliding the t-shirt over her head. It shouldn’t hurt this much. You know that’s not what this is. It’s sex. Just sex. 

You slide out of bed, put on your dressing gown and head to your kitchen grabbing yourself a cold glass of water. You’re just finishing it when Jack enters, now fully dressed. “I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.”

You nod. “Have a good evening.” She looks like she wants to say something, but she doesn’t. The energy in the room is a little off compared to normal.

You offer a smile and that seems to please her as she offers one back. Her eyes go to her phone. “Shit! Now I’m really going to be late.” She smiles back at you before quickly making her exit and you don’t move until you hear the front door shut. 

A sour taste fills your mouth, and you release a deep sigh as you try to push the ache in your chest away. You knew you needed to stop this before the feelings you were desperately trying to ignore took control...but you couldn’t. You needed her. You enjoyed the moments where she’d stay a little longer too much. You held onto them and tried to bury the dirty feeling that settled through your body the times she was out the door as soon as possible. It felt worse knowing that she had plans straight afterwards, reminding you of the secret you are to her. 

You head back to your bedroom but stop in the doorway. The smell of sex still fills the room and when your eyes find the messy sheets you just turn back around, the couch it was tonight. 

Three days later she’s back in your bed. You’re softer than normal, taking your time to trail kisses over her body and watching her squirm beneath you with frustrated whines. 

“I swear to god, Y/N.” She whines seconds before you nip at her thigh and she moans. 

She’s louder that night and you take satisfaction from it, but when it’s your turn and she flips you over and captures your lips with a hungry kiss your heart drops. 

It was just sex. Just sex. You try to remind yourself. Nothing more. It couldn’t be more because she doesn’t want more. 

Jack notices your change in mood and instantly stops, sitting back in your lap, her fingers gently stroke your cheek. “Everything okay? Do you want to stop?” 

And you don’t. You really really don’t, but you think that means you should. “I don’t know.”

“We’ll stop.” She says but doesn’t remove herself from your lap as she continues stroking your cheek, her eyes filled with concern. “But are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think I’m just tired. It’s been a long day and I’m a little worn out.” You force a smile to your face that she sees straight through, but instead of pushing she rolls herself off your lap. You expect her to get out of bed and grab her clothes but instead she lies down beside you. 

“I know the case today was difficult.”

You shrug, “Not harder than any other. Just frustrating. I wanna catch this guy.”

“You will.” She hums, her voice full of such conviction that you can’t help but smile. 

She snuggles into the pillow, her blonde hair splayed out on it and you know it’s going to smell like her once she leaves. “Comfortable?” You laugh. 

“Very.” Her eyes fall close and it’s then you realise she’s not planning on leaving. Your heart thumps in your chest but instead of commenting on it you get comfortable and let your eyes fall close. It doesn’t take you long to drift off to sleep. 

You wake up in the middle of the night and find yourself wrapped up in her arms. You smile sleepily to yourself before falling back to sleep.

In the morning, she’s gone.

You try to keep your distance after that, but it only lasts four days before there’s a particularly bad case and you crave her. You need her. Need the comfort, the distraction, the care. 

She tries to get you to talk when you turn up at her place, but you keep distracting her with kisses and she quickly gets the hint. That night she’s the one that’s soft with you, and you’re the one quickly fleeing the house afterwards. 

Neither of you can stay away from the other. What was originally two weeks, had quickly turned to one week and now it was practically every other day. It wasn’t just about escaping the demons, it was more. Your composure was dropping at work, you found yourself reaching out more, and smiling brightly at her, and dropping off surprise coffees…and you knew, you knew, you needed to stop. 

The team was going to suspect something if you couldn’t get control of yourself. Your eyes kept trailing after her whenever she left a room and Ellie was beginning to shoot you curious looks. You couldn’t have them finding out because it would destroy the thing between the two of you. It was one of the only rules the two of you had - no one can find out. The other was about there always being complete professionalism at work. 

Two weeks later it finally comes to a head. You enter Jack’s office to find Ellie pushing Jack for information about her date and it feels like someone has stabbed you in the chest. 

There’s a dress hanging up in her office, and it’s beautiful and you know she will look absolutely amazing in it. But she wasn’t dressing up for you. She was dressing up for them. 

You clear your throat, earning you the attention of both women. You completely avoid Jack’s eyes. “Uh, Gibbs has got a lead he wants us to check out.”

Ellie nods her head, looking back to Jack with a grin, “Hope the date goes well. I expect all the details tomorrow.” 

She nods and you can feel her eyes burning into you, but you refuse to look in her direction as you follow Ellie out of the room. 

You had to end it. You couldn’t do it. Having half of her wasn’t enough. 

You text her when you get home that evening. It’s later than normal, nearly 10 o’clock. It’s a short text but it gets your point across without disclosing any of what you’re feeling. 

_I don’t want to do this anymore. I think we should go back to just being friends._

Barely five minutes have passed before she phones you, and you answer with dread in your stomach. 

“Over text? You’re ending us over text.” You can hear the anger and pain in her voice and your eyes fall close as you sigh. 

“There isn’t an ‘us’ Jack. There never has been. We had an arrangement and I'm voiding it.” 

“Just like that?” She huffs. 

“Just like that.”

There’s a knock at your door which you ignore, but then another, more insistent knock sounds, and you sigh. “Look I’ve got to go; I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” 

You don’t wait for her response as you hang up and make your way to the door. Your jaw drops in shock when you open it and reveal Jack standing on the other side, eyes brewing with tears and in the dress she wore to her date. 

She was breathtaking. 

“What if I don’t want to stop?”

“Were you standing outside my house?” You frown.

“I was already on my way over when your text came through. I didn’t go on the date. I got ready, I drove there and then I sat in my car for twenty minutes before driving away because I couldn’t do it. I want you. I love you.”

You forget how to breathe for a moment. “You didn’t go on the date?”

She shakes her head, tears trickling down her cheeks. “I never even wanted to go. Leon’s been pushing me to meet up with his friend for months though and I finally accepted because it was that or confess to him that I couldn’t because I was in love with you.”

You chuckle as your own tears break free. She steps closer, pulling you into her, her fingers softly drawing patterns on your lower back. 

“You love me?”

“So much.”

“I love you too. I thought you didn’t feel the same way.”

“I’ve wanted this from the beginning. I was drunk but I knew what I wanted. You left in the middle of the night though and I thought you regretted it.”

“I was confused.” You shake your head, “but you always leave so quickly afterwards.”

“I couldn’t let myself fall any harder.” She huffs, “Obviously that didn’t work, but leaving meant you didn’t kick me out and I could pretend I wasn’t in way over my head.” 

“I could never have kicked you out. I craved every moment I spent with you.” Your hands trail up her arms and you softly stroke a strand of hair from her face. 

“Let me take you on a proper date. We’ll go to dinner and spend an evening together and I’ll walk you home and kiss you on the cheek and I won’t come in, even though I want to. I’ll go home instead and then text you an hour later because It was so amazing and ask you out again.” 

You giggle, rolling your eyes at her proposal. “Yes, to dinner, but if you play your cards right, I’ll invite you in and spend the evening making you know just how much I love you.” 

She smiles softly and leans in and kisses you. It’s soft and careful and a complete contrast to all the other kisses the two of you have shared.

You don’t want her to leave. You don’t want to wait for another night. 

“How about you come in and we’ll order some food and spend the remainder of our evening together because I really don’t want you to go home.”

She smiles and nods her head, “I’d like that. I’m paying thought, consider it our predate date.” 

You laugh again and drag her into your apartment and shut the door behind you. She steps in close to you and kisses you again. Drawing back with a soft hum.

“What sort of food are you thinking?”

“Your choice.” You smile. 

She grins and steps back. “I’ll go look at the takeout menus then.” 

You watch her as she makes her way to the kitchen, and you can hear her digging through the draw you keep the menus in. You collapse back into your door and sigh, allowing the love and relief to fully encircle your heart and allowing all the pain and anguish to melt away. 

“I’m thinking Indian. That work for you?” She calls from the kitchen.

“Sounds perfect.” You grin, pushing yourself off the door and making your way to the woman who owned your heart.


End file.
